By Julia Allen for Possibilities Psychological Services
Published on Linkedin: 12pm AEST, 04/09/2024
As a neuroaffirming professional, and a person who is lucky enough to have close relationships with many neurodiverse individuals, it is hard to convey the level of sheer frustration that occurs when somebody in my life feels the need to tell me that, “No, this person can’t be autistic, because they have friends/ don’t act like my 7-year-old nephew,/ [insert flagrant stereotype here]”. Well-meaning family members, acquaintances, and professionals such as general practitioners are often guilty of such misconceptions. The real crux of the issue is that these misconceptions, pervasive as they are, are not only frustrating, but highly damaging. These stereotypes have real world implications, and they can, and do, harm people every day (Treweek et al., 2019).
Below, I’d like to take you through a few common myths about autism. I’ve asked the people who know best [my lovely autistic colleagues, family, and neuroaffirming professionals] about the myths they find most pervasive within their lives and work. We’re going to take some time to discuss the implications of these myths, and then I’m going to do my best to bust them wide open.
Note: Identity first language such as “Autistic Person” is used in this article, rather than person first language “Person with Autism.” Identity first language is generally more preferred within the neurodiverse community, because it recognises that being autistic is an inherent part of their identity as a person (Taboas et al., 2022).
Myth 1: “You Can’t Be Autistic, You Look Normal”
Ah yes, the classic “but you look so normal!” As if autism were a fashion choice or something that should come with a visible marker. If this is something you’ve caught yourself saying, I’d recommend you take a second to reflect on what ‘looking normal’ means to you.
What people often don’t realize is how much energy autistic individuals expend to “look normal.” This is called masking—essentially pretending to be neurotypical by suppressing natural behaviours and mimicking those deemed socially acceptable. It’s a survival strategy, but it comes at a high cost: masking can lead to serious health issues, including chronic anxiety, depression, and burnout (Beck et al., 2020; Hull et al., 2017). You’re looking at someone who is managing an internal hurricane while appearing “normal” on the outside.
Autism doesn’t have a single look. This is a rhetoric you will read many times through this article, but each autistic person is their own individual with many ways of being. Some people are great at masking; others don’t or can’t. But all deserve to be recognized for who they are, not how they perform “normally”.
Myth 2: “You Can’t Be Autistic, You’re Good at School/Work”
This one comes up a lot. Apparently, being good at your job or getting good grades disqualifies you from being autistic.
Newsflash: Autistic people are just as capable of being high achievers as anyone else. In fact, here’s a divisive point, Autistic people are just as capable as being high achievers, or even as average, as neurotypical people.
This misunderstanding leads to autistic individuals being denied access to necessary support and accommodations, especially in educational and professional settings. It’s not that they don’t need support; it’s that they’re often masking their struggles in environments that reward productivity over well-being. Just because someone can excel at work or school doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling in ways that aren’t immediately visible.
This assumption lies heavily in ableism. It implies that all autistic people have intellectual disabilities. Each autistic individual is different, and this also includes a wide range of cognitive abilities. Success in work or school doesn’t negate the need for accommodations like sensory-friendly environments or flexible schedules.
Myth 3: “You Can’t Be Autistic, You’re Not Smart Like Sheldon”
And in complete dichotomy, here we have the inverse to our previous point.
Thanks, TV, for making it seem like every autistic person should be some kind of quirky genius with a photographic memory and a savant-level understanding of physics. This portrayal is not only inaccurate, but it’s also damaging.
This myth places unrealistic expectations on autistic individuals. Many feel pressured to live up to this “genius” ideal, while those who don’t fit the stereotype are often dismissed or overlooked. It’s a lose-lose situation that creates unnecessary barriers.
Only a small percentage of autistic people have savant abilities. Autism is diverse, and every autistic person has a unique set of strengths and challenges. The idea that autism equals genius is just another oversimplification (Howlin et al., 2009).
Myth 4: “You Can’t Be Autistic, You’re a Girl”
This is one of the more insidious myths. Autism has historically been framed as a “boy thing,” leaving many girls, women, and non-binary people underdiagnosed or misdiagnosed.
Why? Because early autism research was based on studies of white, male college students. The diagnostic criteria developed from this research rarely apply to the way autism presents in women and other marginalized groups (Goss et al., 2023; Pellicano & den Houting, 2021).
Many girls and women go years, even decades, without a proper diagnosis, leading to unmet needs, internalised ableism, and autistic burnout. They often internalize their struggles, feeling like something is wrong with them but not knowing what. This also means that generations of professionals have been undereducated on how to recognise, screen for, and support autistic women.
Autism isn’t a male-only condition. The gender bias in diagnosis is a relic of outdated research. We need more inclusive diagnostic tools that reflect the diversity of the autism spectrum, including how it presents in women, trans and gender diverse people, and people of colour. Intersectionality in professional care is highly important. Intersectionality recognises that a person’s identities are relational, reciprocal, and important (Lopez, 2022).
Myth 5: “You Can’t Be Autistic, You Have Friends”
Surprise! Autistic people can and do have friends. But for some reason, there’s a persistent myth that autistic individuals are not socially motivated or capable of forming meaningful relationships.
This myth creates damaging stereotypes about autistic people being loners by nature, or, more sinisterly, contributes to an ‘othering’ of autistic people. In reality, many autistic individuals have meaningful, full friendships. Autistic people who primarily are singled out for their lack of interest in communicating in a neurotypical way may crave connection but struggle with traditional neurotypical social norms. Neurodivergent friendships—based on mutual understanding and shared experiences—are often incredibly strong and fulfilling (Chevallier et al., 2012).
Autistic people are perfectly capable of forming friendships, though they might approach socializing differently. Neurodivergent friendships often thrive on honesty, shared interests, and mutual respect. The myth that all autistic people are isolated isn’t just wrong—it’s harmful.
Myth 6: “You Can’t Be Autistic, You’re Kind and Caring”
Autistic people are often mischaracterized as lacking empathy, but the reality is more nuanced. There are different types of empathy, and autistic individuals may struggle with cognitive empathy (understanding others’ thoughts) while excelling at affective empathy (sharing others’ emotions).
This myth can lead to alienation, as autistic people are assumed to be cold or indifferent when they may, in fact, be deeply compassionate. The difference is often in how they express or process those feelings. Older research on Autism, and pervading this stereotype to this day, it used to be believed that autistic individuals had poor Theory of Mind, which is to say, that autistic people do not have the ability to understand the mindset of others (Yergeau, 2013).
But this is not true! More recent neuroaffirming research has found that neurotypicals also struggle to empathize with others. The double empathy problem, coined by autistic autism researcher Damian Milton (Milton et al., 2020), suggests that these empathy struggles primarily appear when one neurotype [neurodivergent vs neurotypical] is trying to understand the mindset of the other.
Additionally, cognitive empathy (understanding others’ perspectives) and affective empathy (emotional resonance) are different, and many autistic people feel emotions deeply. A final point, that research is often based on neurotypical norms and expectations, and this implies that autistics will always look “deficient” and neurotypicals will always look “capable”. Just because someone doesn’t express empathy in a neurotypical way doesn’t mean they don’t care.
References
Beck, J. S., Lundwall, R. A., Gabrielsen, T., Cox, J. C., & South, M. (2020). Looking good but feeling bad: “Camouflaging” behaviors and mental health in women with autistic traits. Autism, 24(4), 809–821. https://doi.org/10.1177/1362361320912147
Chevallier, C., Kohls, G., Troiani, V., Brodkin, E. S., & Schultz, R. T. (2012). The social motivation theory of autism. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 16(4), 231–239. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2012.02.007
Goss, M., Huynh, C. K., Taing, M., & Brumback, A. C. (2023). Approaching Autism Diagnosis and Care Through the Lens of Gender Diversity. Child Neurology Open, 10. https://doi.org/10.1177/2329048×231219201
Howlin, P., Goode, S., Hutton, J., & Rutter, M. (2009). Savant skills in autism: psychometric approaches and parental reports. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 364(1522), 1359–1367. https://doi.org/10.1098/rstb.2008.0328
Hull, L., Petrides, K. V., Allison, C., Smith, P., Baron-Cohen, S., Lai, M.-C., & Mandy, W. (2017). “Putting on My Best Normal”: Social Camouflaging in Adults with Autism Spectrum Conditions. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 47(8), 2519–2534. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-017-3166-5
Lopez, K. (2022). Intersectionality on the Horizon: Exploring Autism in Adulthood from a Unique Vantage Point. Autism in Adulthood. https://doi.org/10.1089/aut.2022.29023.editorial
Milton, D. E. M., Heasman, B., & Sheppard, E. (2020). Double Empathy. Encyclopedia of Autism Spectrum Disorders, 1–9. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4614-6435-8_102273-2
Pellicano, E., & den Houting, J. (2021). Annual Research Review: Shifting from “normal science” to neurodiversity in autism science. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 63(4). https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.13534
Taboas, A., Doepke, K., & Zimmerman, C. (2022). Preferences for identity-first versus person-first language in a US sample of autism stakeholders. Autism, 27(2), 136236132211308. https://doi.org/10.1177/13623613221130845
Treweek, C., Wood, C., Martin, J., & Freeth, M. (2019). Autistic people’s perspectives on stereotypes: An interpretative phenomenological analysis. Autism, 23(3), 759–769. https://doi.org/10.1177/1362361318778286
Yergeau, M. (2013). Clinically Significant Disturbance: On Theorists Who Theorize Theory of Mind. Disability Studies Quarterly, 33(4). https://doi.org/10.18061/dsq.v33i4.3876
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Chiu Lau is a Psychologist at Possibilities Psychological Services, an Australia-wide online therapy provider. Since 2003, she has developed expertise in the management of mental health, autism & related neurodevelopmental differences, learning & intellectual disabilities, rare genetic conditions, carer & sibling mental health support, and gender questioning & gender diverse presentations.
Recognising the challenges associated with navigating various intervention and mental health provider options, Chiu invites you to book a complimentary 20-minute chat to explore your options and possibilities here.