By Chiu Lau, Psychologist & Founder of Possibilities Psychological Services
In 2020, everything I thought I knew about success and resilience came undone. After 10 years of pushing through chronic fatigue, persistent pain, unpredictable fainting spells, recurring “mystery flus” and vaginismus (yep, even SHE rebelled), I was diagnosed with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS).
It was a turning point I hadn’t prepared for.
On the surface, I looked like I was thriving. I had built a busy group practice known for its bully-free workspace, mentored students and early career psychologists, supported clients, and was constantly “on.” But behind the scenes, I was living on borrowed energy. My body had been whispering for years that something was wrong. By November 2019, it stopped whispering. It demanded that I stop.
I was forced to face what so many people with invisible illnesses and autoimmune conditions know: you can only override your body for so long before “computer says no” (nod to Little Britain).
The Reality of Invisible Illness
ME/CFS (similar to Long Covid) is often misunderstood. It isn’t “just tiredness.” It’s a multi-system condition with profound fatigue, sensory hypersensitivity, neurological difficulties, sleep disturbances, and post-exertional malaise: the crash that happens after even minor exertion.
For me, it meant unpredictable days. Sometimes I could manage a normal workload. Other days, I was too unwell to get out of bed. Plans became uncertain. My sense of identity, which had always been wrapped up in being strong, capable and dependable, was suddenly on shaky ground. Seeing the shower stool in my bathroom was a confronting visual reminder. “Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.”
The hardest part wasn’t just the physical symptoms. It was the grief of no longer being who I thought I was. The professional who could always push through, the friend who was always there, the woman who could juggle everything. Invisible illness took away not just energy, but certainty, and with it, my old definition of success.
Recalibrating Life
When illness strips you down, you have two options: resist or recalibrate.
TBH I did a bit of both. At first, I resisted. I told myself I “should” be able to keep going, “should” be able to bounce back. I should never be “weak.” But denial only deepened the crashes.
Eventually, I realised I had to recalibrate STAT or end up in palliative care like a former colleague of mine. That meant learning to pace: balancing activity with rest, even when I wanted to do more. It meant deconstructing the belief that rest equals unproductive, saying “no thank you” to opportunities I once would have jumped at. It meant restructuring my work and life to be sustainable, not just survivable.
Some of the practical changes included:
- Building recovery into my days as non-negotiable, rather than an afterthought.
- Simplifying routines and environments so daily tasks required less energy.
- Tracking my energy levels to notice patterns and avoid unnecessary crashes.
- Budgeting energy so that I can engage in additional activities, and scheduling in recovery time after.
- Significantly reducing sensory input.
But the deeper changes were internal:
- Letting go of equating worth with productivity.
- Learning to value gentleness, not just grit.
- Accepting that “enough” could be more than enough.
- Learning to tolerate feeling like I’m letting people down.
- Engaging in EMDR to re-process childhood and cultural stuff that drove me to over-function, over-extend and over-achieve.
- Learning to nurture my body, not just see it as a machine to get sh!t done.
These weren’t easy shifts. They required confronting fears of being judged, shamed, or “not enough.” But over time, they allowed me to rebuild a life that worked for my health, not against it.
A New Definition of Success
Success used to mean constant expansion: more clients, more growth, more achievements.
Today, my definition is very different. Success looks like:
- A balanced rhythm of meaningful work and genuine rest.
- Enough financial security to feel safe without overextending.
- Friendships that are loving, inclusive and accommodating.
- A cozy home filled with artwork by clients and friends.
- Slow walks with my little dog who greets strangers like old friends.
- A relationship with my body that is based on respect rather than resentment.
- Knowing that just because I can, it doesn’t mean I should.
I call it a “boutique life”: intentionally curated, slower, gentler, and more aligned with my values system. It’s not the life I thought I’d have ten years ago. But it’s a life that feels true now.
For Anyone at the Edge of Burnout
If you’re living with an invisible disability or autoimmune condition, or if burnout has left you unable to keep pushing the way you used to, I want you to know this: redefining success is not failure.
It’s courage. It’s authorship. It’s claiming the right to live on your own terms. It’s saying “f*ck it, I’m doing life my way!”
You do not have to keep proving yourself at the expense of your health. The people who truly love you don’t want you to set yourself on fire to keep them warm. They want you alive, well, and whole. They need you alive, well, and whole.
Sometimes the bravest words you can say are: “I give myself permission to choose me.”
Moving Forward
My work now is about helping others who are navigating these same challenges. Whether you are adjusting to chronic illness, managing persistent pain, recovering from burnout, or simply questioning the version of success you were taught to chase, you don’t have to navigate it alone.
Together, it is possible to explore new ways of living and working that are sustainable, meaningful, and compassionate. And know this: life doesn’t end with illness or burnout. Sometimes, that’s exactly where your new chapter begins.
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Chiu Lau is a neurodivergent Psychologist with an invisible disability. She is also the founder of Possibilities Psychological Services, an Australia-wide online therapy provider. Since 2003, Chiu has developed expertise in the management of mental health, trauma, invisible disabilities, neurodivergence (including autism, ADHD, PDA, learning & intellectual disabilities), rare genetic conditions, carer & sibling mental health support, and gender diverse presentations.
Recognising the challenges associated with navigating various intervention and mental health provider options, Chiu invites you to book a complimentary 20-minute discovery call to explore your options and possibilities here.