By Chiu Lau, Clinical Psychologist & Founder of Possibilities Psychological Services
Artwork from pinterest
As clinicians, we often meet children whose struggles are not loud, disruptive, or easily visible. They are the students who “look fine,” who follow the rules, and who rarely draw attention to themselves.
But beneath that surface, some of these children are working extraordinarily hard just to keep up.
The letter below is written from the perspective of a bright, high-masking, internally struggling AuDHD primary schooler. It offers a window into the invisible effort many teachers don’t get to see.
_______________________________
Dear Teacher,
Hi. I wanted to tell you something that might be hard to see.
I know I look okay in class. I sit still. I listen. I do my work. I don’t usually get in trouble. From the outside, it probably seems like I’m doing just fine.
But inside, it’s different.
My brain notices a lot more than you might expect. Sounds, lights, people moving, whispers, even small changes in the room. My brain doesn’t always filter things out, so it can feel like everything is happening at once.
When you’re teaching, I’m trying to listen, but I can also hear chairs moving, pencils tapping, the air conditioner, and people shifting. My brain tries to pay attention to all of it, not just you.
That makes it harder to focus, even though I really want to.
I also use a lot of energy trying to do what everyone else is doing. If I don’t fully understand instructions, I might watch other students to figure it out instead of asking for help.
If there are lots of steps, I might remember the first and last parts but lose the middle. Then I might sit there quietly, trying to work it out without getting it wrong.
Sometimes I get stuck before I even begin. It might look like I’m not starting, but my brain is trying to organise where to begin and how to do it properly.
Even when I understand the work, getting my thoughts into words can be slow. My brain can feel full of ideas, but turning them into writing takes time.
I also try really hard to be “good.” That means I don’t always show when I’m overwhelmed.
I might feel like things are too loud or too much, but I stay quiet.
I might feel confused, but I don’t ask for help.
I might feel really tired, but I keep going.
Some students show their struggles on the outside. I mostly show mine on the inside.
Sometimes this is called masking. It means I try to hide how hard things are so I can fit in. But masking takes a lot of energy, and it can make me feel exhausted later, even if I seemed fine during class.
Even when I look calm, my brain and body can feel like they’re working very hard. That can make it harder to think clearly, remember things, or stay organised.
So when I seem okay, it doesn’t always mean things are easy.
I also have strengths. I’m curious, I think deeply, and I notice things other people might miss. When I feel safe and understood, I can learn really well.
What helps me is when you:
- Check in with me quietly
- Break instructions into smaller steps or write them down
- Give me a bit of extra time
- Let me take short breaks if I’m overwhelmed
- Offer help even if I don’t ask
- Believe me, even if I “look okay”
I’m not asking for things to be easier. I’m asking for things to be fair, so I can show what I know.
I really do want to learn. I really am trying my best.
Thank you for taking the time to understand me, especially the parts you can’t see.
From,
A student who is trying very hard every day
_______________________________
Clinician Reflection
Children who are twice-exceptional, particularly those who are bright, high-masking, and internally struggling, are frequently overlooked in classroom settings. Their capability can obscure their cognitive load, and their behaviour can mask significant nervous system strain.
When support is contingent on visible disruption, we miss the students who are quietly expending the most effort.
Small, proactive adjustments (eg. clarifying instructions, offering check-ins, allowing processing time) are not about lowering expectations. They are about creating equitable access to learning.
The question is not whether these students can cope. Many of them already are.
The question is: at what cost?
________________________________________________
Chiu Lau (she/her) is a neurodivergent Clinical Psychologist living with an invisible disability. She is also the founder of Possibilities Psychological Services, an Australia-wide online therapy provider. Since 2003, Chiu has developed extensive expertise in the management of mental health concerns, trauma, chronic health conditions, neurodivergence (including autism, ADHD, PDA, and learning and intellectual disabilities), and psychosocial stressors experienced by gender-diverse individuals.
Recognising the challenges associated with navigating various intervention and mental health provider options, Chiu invites you to book a complimentary 20-minute discovery call to explore your options and possibilities here.